Successful marriage secrets
Part of my job as a local newspaper reporter  is to do stories on significant wedding anniversaries - mostly 50th and 60th, even 70th ones.
One of my regular questions to these devoted couples is “what are your secrets to a successful marriage?”.
I am always waiting with my breath held for a nugget of advice that is so amazing that it will change my life but to be honest, the replies from these couples are simple (they admit as much that there is no complicated formula) and ones that many of us have heard before. Here are some examples:
1. Don’t let the sun go down on an argument.
2. Love each other.
3. Be kind to each other.
Seems so simple but I have failed on all three counts (and endless other marriage-enriching strategies) at times. I have been married eight years in October this year and I think that is a really long time! It has flown by as well, which is as startling as the fact I have sustained a relationship for this long! (My one other significant and  long-ish relationship was ballsed up by me being incredibly selfish, impulsive and confused in the way that defines some people’s early twenties.)
I have gone to bed completely enraged with my husband and have woken up with sleep not quietening the rage. I have been very unkind to him and have definitely had times where love has definitely had nothing to do with the relationship.
That’s normal, or so I have been told.
But on this Valentine’s Day we have our two daughters as a reminder that we are very blessed. I also have a partner who is on the same page as  me on things like movie tastes (He thought Mission: Impossible II was crap. Ditto Love, Actually…apart from the bit when Emma Thompson’s character receives the Joni Mitchell CD and plays ‘Both Sides Now’) and reads and watches as much news as I do. (We were watching BBC World News the other night with a cup of tea… not sexy or exciting but perfectly enjoyable!) We have a similar sense of humour too. Some of this seems so superficial as I write but I find it comforting to be on a similar wavelength.
Post-It note: Kindness. Love. Sort out arguments promptly.
February 14, 2010
Posted in: Lifestyle, Relationships, Society
5 Responses
Visiting from SITS! It much be so interesting to hear these long-term couples talk. It’s kind of anti-climactic yet reassuring that there isn’t a big SECRET though.
What a great reminder to everybody in a relationship. I often read those columns of couples celebrating the big anniversaries and scoff a bit at their answers to ‘what makes your marriage successful’ but it’s so true.
Thanks for sharing this! Visiting from SITS.
I’ve failed on all three, too, but this is great advice. I need to post it on all of my mirrors.
Visiting from SITS! It much be so interesting to hear these long-term couples talk. It’s kind of anti-climactic yet reassuring that there isn’t a big SECRET though.
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